how to blog for dummies

I was wondering why it feels so hard to blog right now. I think writing should make you feel that when you're opening your soul a little, it's safe to share. The problem for me right now is to know when I cross the line between sharing and over-sharing.

I often feel like as soon as I have an idea there immediately is another voice that tells me nobody cares. That it's not good enough or that I am embarrassing myself. I know this is a big problem for me, this idea of shame, but more importantly of self-induced shame. Being responsible for opening up, in search of fellow humans feeling similar, only to be met with people who mock what I do.

When did that last happen, I wonder?

I don't think it's happened for my art actually, I don't remember people coming to tell me what I did was rubbish, at least not directly. Not since highschool anyway. Maybe the failed comics competitions the past few years are the only culprits there, or the fact that I struggled to find readers for my webtoon.

At the same time, there is also absolutely no need to wear your heart on your sleeve and talk about everything that is happening in your life on a blog. How then, do you connect to readers? I do like to read blogs about people living their everyday life and fighting the little wars. But when it comes to mine, I always feel like it's simply not good enough to talk about it. And at the same time, I think my life is wonderful and that a lot of people would love to live a similar life to mine. 

When I struggled to complete tasks on the long list of things I wanted to do during the week, I often heard people tell me "but you do so much already and you have two young kids!". Somehow, this also felt like it was never enough and that yes I should be able to read, play, draw, learn piano, write a novel, do housechores, study art, go to the gym, do yoga... All within a week, or even better, a day.

I recently came accross comments on Instagram talking about how women in general lack the self-confidence to speak out loud, not for lack of ideas, but because of a "stereotype shame", that is the idea that when you speak you represent all women and must be aware of the critics generally received by them, and do your best to avoid replicating these mistakes. For example, the tone of voice is a good marker of this phenomenon, as I often observe that when I want to be taken seriously I have a lower tone of voice to prove my point. The self-awareness and self-critic is high as I already explained. It feels much safer to take on the role of the listener rather than the one of the speaker. 

I was talking to my husband, the Wise Fox, about politics and the uncertainty of times. I kept forgetting what was the point that I wanted to make, in an effort to find colorful examples instead of thinking deeply about what I wanted to say. I became so much aware that I was not explaining myself well that I tried to find more examples to prove my point, forgetting exactly what I aimed to prove during that conversation. The thing was this: I often wish I could have a better feeling, or intuition, about things that are about to happen, or the hidden reality of life, the things that happen in the shadows before we have all the facts. I'm not exactly sure if there is a point to be made to be fair, mostly I wanted to express that desire. Before ChatGPT existed, I often dreamed of a companion, like a robot, who would know everything and could answer in a fast and precise way to any question I had. Of course ChatGPT cannot do this at best of times, even less answer questions such as "where has this child disappeared?" or "what is the government really hiding in their quest for war?".

The same goes to blogging. I wish I had a better intuition about what people want to read about, what makes a text good, instead of random rambling. As an artist, I wish I had a magic ball that would show me how to create a piece of work that touches the heart of many. 

But since there is no such magic, we must try, fail sometimes, but keep trying.